I'd like to special happy birthday to our guy, Duke St. Albans, as he turns 26 (+/- 1, to be safe). The Duke and I have had our share fond of memories together, and it's about time I acknowledge some of these homo-erotic fantasies to the rest of you. Tom and Charlie, I'm sure you have some classic Duke-isms, as well, and I'd love for you to share these, too. Since I'm both poor and cheap as shit, I will not be splurging on a birthday present for my man DSA. Rather, this compilation of memories will have to suffice until I see him in about a month's time. Then, I shall buy birthday beers and celebrating can commence. Anyways, here are my Top 5 Duke and Hansel Moments, in no particular order (because they're all equally as awesome). Many of these will revolve around The Duke's trip to NYC to visit me in the summer of 2011, because it was a debauchery-filled trip of nonsense and drunken good times. Here goes.
1. Drunken Tour of NYC: We snuck bottles of liquor onto a NYC double-decker bus as we took a tour of Manhattan. There was Jaeger (however the fuck you spell it), there was Vodka, there were good times. We got belligerent, yelled at animate and inanimate objects, probably groped each other, and had an all around good time.
2. Father's Day Baseball Game at Citi Field: We had breakfast sandwiches and 40s of Olde English delivered to my apartment at like 10AM. Drank the 40s on the subway ride over to Queens for the Mets game. Proceeded to play a rousing game of "If you guess what the next batter does at the plate correctly, the other person has to drink some of his $8 beer". This quickly went from "I bet he singles" or "I bet he walks" to, "I bet he bunt singles down the first base line" to, "I bet the pitcher boks and the runners advance" and etc. It went from sips of beers to full beers, and soon enough, Citi Field had probably collected well over $100 of our money and fathers everywhere were ashamed.
3. Duke and Hansel Eat Italian: It's no secret that the Duke loves him some Italian food. Post-Mets game, I took him to a little spot in midtown Manhattan, where in our drunken stuper, Duke and I fed each other food, wiped each other's mouths, and were just a complete all around mess.
4. Post-Italian food gayfest naptime: Things got pretty hazy throughout that meal, and by the time we got back to my place in the Upper West Side, we were hammered drunk, full of food, and ready to pass out. So we did. Apparently, we did so in our boxers in the same bed. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but when we woke up and realized, we had a good laugh about it. Classic Duke and Hansel. We're totally straight though.
5. Black Velvet in the Basement: Many moons ago, The Duke came over to Hansel's house when we were both back in the homeland for a night of hanging out, catching up, and just watching some TV. Poppa Hansel had an unopened bottle of Black Velvet likely from a few decades ago when perhaps that was popular, so Duke and Hansel polish that poor sucker off in no time. Momma Hansel made breakfast the next morning. All around good 12 hours, I'd say.
And many, many more to come. Next up: Hansel visits The Duke in Raleigh in early September, and The Duke ventures southward at the end of October for some food old-fashioned Florida fun.
Happy Birthday, Duke!
<3
Hansel
I have a few comments from this.
ReplyDelete1.) Let's not forget that Precious sat next to me and I immediately began to chat her and her hood rat friend up. Which made for an interesting ride considering her friend eyed up the Jager and Precious eyed up the hot dog vendors.
2.) My favorite was the 2 to 1 odds that this guy fouls out. And then he did. And then I had to chug 2 beers. In front of fathers and their children. Class class class
3.) This is one of my favorite stories due to the pure weirdness. Granted, I remember this through very, very foggy lenses, but wiping ranch from the corner of your lip really sent the message to the rest of the patrons.
4.) Oh, we're totally straight.
5.) I think this was our 'forged in steel' moment. We had been friends leading up to this, but this is when that bond happened. This will be what I talk about at our wedding. Totally straight.
We have 2 more dates penciled in and I look forward to further questioning my sexuality and exploring yours. Once again; totally straight.
Thanks for the birthday wishes pal. A blog post is way better than any Facebook wall post out there. -DSA
On a train ride from Raleigh to Charlotte, I got up for 5 minutes to go purchase copious amounts of alcohol to time travel the rest of the ride, and I come back to Duke making best friends with a 5 year old.
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