And to answer the question that's been burning in your burn since we re-started this blogging expedition: Garnier Fructis 2-in-1 Shampoo-Conditioner.
Moving forward, onto my advice. While spending some daily time on the porcelain throne earlier, I couldn't help but think about how comfortable I've become pooing away from home base. In fact, I often prefer it. This particular chud was even taking place while in the comfort of my own home, but this thought still popped into my head. There are certain subtleties that you can't help but miss when doing your business as a member of the visiting team (e.g., a cozy clean toilet seat, magazines and reading of your choice, toilet paper that doesn't feel like sand paper, pictures next to the toilet like the one listed in Figure 1, etc), but those are just comforts, and comforts are such a small part of the deuce equation.
Figure 1
Honestly, if you're shitting at work or school, those toilets are probably getting cleaned more often (daily) than your home commode (whenever someone of the opposite sex is coming over). Furthermore, and this one is HUGE for me, you're using someone else's TP. Nothing grinds my gears more than having to buy stupid shit like TP, paper towels, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. If I can minimize on those costs, I'm going to do it. Each time I have to waste my hard-earned greenbacks on garbage like that, it's just a reminder of how many beers I can no longer purchase because of it. If you're taking a dumper away from home though, you're just pooing on someone else's tab. Score! You can go to town and use as much of that shit as you want (see Figure 2) - wad it up thick enough and it's almost like you're not scraping our b-hole with coarse sand paper. Listen, long story short: home provides you with luxuries, but luxuries come with a price. My advice is to get comfortable defecating at school or work. If you can avoid gas stations, bars, and restaurants (particularly since people treat public restrooms like an R-Kelly slam), that's OK, but if work and school poops are possible - get used to them! A lot of the time you'll be on the clock anyways, so you'll be getting paid to lay cable. Double score.
Figure 2
Happy shitting, friends!
I have gotten pretty used to the ole' work deuce. In fact, I will wait until I get to work to drink coffee and subsequently drop that soft stooled coffee shit off. You hit the nail on the head with the pooping on the clock thing. They have an app for that. No, literally, they have an app that counts how much money you make while pooping. Simply input your hourly wage and hit start when you begin and stop when you finish and let this tremendous app calculate the rest. I was also given a vote of confidence during my first year here at my current company. I was working the late shift which was a cool 11am-8pm. The cleaning crew came in at 7 so we had an hour of overlap. I saw that they were using a spray that was 99.9% effective on all bacteria and even killed the HIV virus* (was that redundant like ATM Machine?). I like those odds. But they would clean the restrooms first so I had about 30 minutes at the end of my shift to enjoy a freshly cleaned restroom. Those were some of the best days of my life.
ReplyDelete*I then bought this spray and I spray my junny downeach night before going out just in case. Brilliance!