And the Responses...

Welp fellas here comes on of those "Little Bit of Everything" posts from The Duke. Before we do that let's take a look at the feedback we've received from this week's endeavors. #nowplaying Shinedown- 45 (acoustic)

First, my attempt to publish 'Dick Knickers' was...well here is the outcome

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? How could they not publish this? It's gold. Next time Hansel, next time. #nowplaying Alter Bridge- Shed My Skin

Next up my Craigslist ad for a footjob posted on Sunday and again on Tuesday. Here are screenshots from a few of my favorite answers. I am doing screenshots to 1.) prove legitimacy cuz text is easily tampered with and 2.) Because the links provided are likely viruses. Having majored in Cyber Security, that's kinda a bonehead move. Anywho, here they are. #nowplaying 2pac- How Do You Want It

If I really wanna get hooked or hoked? I hope (s)he is asking if I wanna get hoked. I wanna get hoked.

That's just Conkwright Beneke being Conkwright Beneke. I know these are all scams but I hope to god someone out there is names Conkwright Beneke.

Plain and simple, I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. Nothing screams "searching for love" quite like a footjob ad on the shadiest site ever created. Easy Hangartner, down girl. #nowplaying Barry Manilow- Mandy

So this is the closest one to a real response I got. She is 34, soon 35. That kind of grammar actually makes me think s(he) is the type of person to provide footjobs to strangers. Bear in mind that I did not offer money or anything, I just offered someone the unbridled joy of giving me a footjob. This ad actually provided a phone number to text. Running a quick google search on that phone number gives little to no info outside of the fact that its a NJ area code...once again, leading me to believe that this could be real. Jersey people, what can you do? #nowplaying Guns n Roses- Civil War

For what it's worth you can click on the pictures to enlarge. I wouldn't suggest doing so at your place of employment. Also, I got a response with a picture of some BBW and her bappers. I won't post this here because I don't peddle porn like some sort of barbarian. But anyways, how was your hump day? Full of humping? Mine wasn't so my hump day was very misleading and therefore disappointing. Where's a shoulder to cry on when you need it?

How come 2 chicks make out and are still 'straight' but I get caught jacking off to shemale porn and I'm the gay one? Double standards I tell ya. #nowplaying Dave Grohl ft. Corey Taylor- From Can to Can't

Here is some good/bad news depending on which side of this situation you're on. For me, it's quite satisfying to watch karma catch up to people. The girl that broke up with me back in February for her ex-boyfriend recently had her phone abducted and texts viewed. For those of you paying attention, this is the same girl that admitted to still having strong feelings (drunk me thinks 'in love' may have been dropped but sober me doubts it). Said ex-boyfriend/now current actual boyfriend saw texts from me from "a long time ago". Me thinks he saw some dirt on his chick and is not happy. She has not contacted me since. I'm pretty sure she won't be allowed to do so. I don't care because she wasn't much of a friend to begin with so I'm not losing much, but what goes around comes around. Now to not find pleasure in this so nothing comes around to me. #nowplaying Stone Sour- Zzyzx Rd.

How the fuck am I supposed to cheat on my girlfriend when Facebook is around? Fuck did our parents have the infidelity game easy. Shit wasn't even a challenge. I mean Christ, I'm a certified ninja and can't even get away with it. Also, I don't have a girlfriend, so that presents a different challenge when it comes to cheating. Cheating man...put your chick in her rightful place by cheating on her with someone 3 points less than her. It'll really erode that self esteem that hardly exists to begin with. Chicks that do anal do NOT hold themselves in high regard. I can't figure out why I can't find a girlfriend with that talk.

I'm guessing most of you didn't make it this far so I will wrap this up. I have a girl calling me in 20 minutes to break up (or whatever you call it when you're 'just talking') with me. I can't figure out if I should take the high road and be nice and understanding about it or if I should make this a joke. Chances are I will take the high road because that's who I am. But sometimes, just sometimes, I really want to take the low road just to see how satisfying it can be. But then again, what goes around comes around and I HATE karma. That bitch. #nowplaying Slipknot- Wait and Bleed

Adios amigos. One love- DSA

Sad panda

Hey guys,

Sorry for taking a break from the blog for a few days. I've been in mourning for a few hours now after realizing that I'm going to have to toss a trusty favorite pair of boxers. I'm more of a boxer briefs guy these days, but these Camo bad boys have been with me for years, so when I had to make the decision to let them go instead of get them framed, it was tough. I only keep a few pairs of boxers around these days, including a blue pair with green pears on them that read "nice pear" and of course my purple ones with Christmas penguins. And finally, the old faithfuls, these Camo mamma jammas. They didn't have shit stains or anything, just some natural wear and tear over time caused by plenty of use, and perhaps my little bean bag. Anyways, here's to them. May they keep some homeless mans bits and tackle swinging freely for as long as they are not shreds.

A bit of advice

Did you know that a "bit" is a piece of information that reduces uncertainty by half? I knew that.

And to answer the question that's been burning in your burn since we re-started this blogging expedition: Garnier Fructis 2-in-1 Shampoo-Conditioner.

Moving forward, onto my advice. While spending some daily time on the porcelain throne earlier, I couldn't help but think about how comfortable I've become pooing away from home base.  In fact, I often prefer it. This particular chud was even taking place while in the comfort of my own home, but this thought still popped into my head. There are certain subtleties that you can't help but miss when doing your business as a member of the visiting team (e.g., a cozy clean toilet seat, magazines and reading of your choice, toilet paper that doesn't feel like sand paper, pictures next to the toilet like the one listed in Figure 1, etc), but those are just comforts, and comforts are such a small part of the deuce equation.

Figure 1

Honestly, if you're shitting at work or school, those toilets are probably getting cleaned more often (daily) than your home commode (whenever someone of the opposite sex is coming over). Furthermore, and this one is HUGE for me, you're using someone else's TP. Nothing grinds my gears more than having to buy stupid shit like TP, paper towels, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. If I can minimize on those costs, I'm going to do it. Each time I have to waste my hard-earned greenbacks on garbage like that, it's just a reminder of how many beers I can no longer purchase because of it. If you're taking a dumper away from home though, you're just pooing on someone else's tab. Score! You can go to town and use as much of that shit as you want (see Figure 2) - wad it up thick enough and it's almost like you're not scraping our b-hole with coarse sand paper. Listen, long story short: home provides you with luxuries, but luxuries come with a price. My advice is to get comfortable defecating at school or work. If you can avoid gas stations, bars, and restaurants (particularly since people treat public restrooms like an R-Kelly slam), that's OK, but if work and school poops are possible - get used to them! A lot of the time you'll be on the clock anyways, so you'll be getting paid to lay cable. Double score.

Figure 2

Happy shitting, friends!

2013: The Year of Me

By now we should have all realized that we successfully survived the December 21, 2012 apocalypse:


But enough about that. I have decided that this year, the year 2013, MMXIII, dos mil trece, you get the picture, will be my year. And not to be a braggart but so far it has been. I've been killing it and I want to give myself a little proverbial back pat and express this to my fellow bloggers. Making strides at work? Check. Traveling whenever the fuck I get the chance to or get bored? Check. Females up and down the east coast? Check. Using the line, "smile if you're as horned up as I am," to a majority of said females and it working? Check that shit.

Shit, I've seen Duke, happy birthday by the way, more times this year than I've seen my family and friends back in the home stomping grounds. Who can say that and not consider it a solid year? Probably Trev, but that's here nor there.

Anyways I'm off my boastful monologue and I now invite you, fellow bloggers, to tell the rest of us how you've made this year, the year 2013, your year. Did you dodge a bullet from a crazy one night stand? Did you get that promotion at work you've been working towards? Did you, after them knocking on your door trying to spread to you the word of The Lord, successfully turn a Jehovah's Witness into an agnostic or even an atheist?

Spill it.
-Chuck

You belong with me in my sweet...hot dogs

No explanation necessary.