My friend Tommy summed things up pretty well. OK, I lied. Things aren't THAT bad. However, since Duke kindly updated us on all of the glorious new happenings for him and his wonderful life, I felt that it was necessary to do the same. This way, when you read these sad, pathetic posts about nonsense, you can understand the dark and stormy places that they are coming from.
To be honest, my 2014 got off to a boneriffic start. I left school prior to graduating as I accepted a job with the military that can only be described as titties. I moved from the Dirty South northward to Virginia Beach, got an adorable little house by the beach that was probably on HGTV in 1991, and minus being separated from my lovely girlfriend, life was pretty kewl. It was the first time in my life that I was actually making adult-like money and not working like a slave at shitty work study jobs for enough money to buy dumpy late night pizza and shitty campus coffee. I was able to buy craft beer on a regular basis and could finally put down the Natty Light at Kroger. That was such an eye opening experience. I was doing grown up things like setting up my 401K plan and other really awesome adult stuff that you guys wouldn't understand. I got to travel to the west coast a few times for work, which was also pretty neat, but I'm definitely not sold on it being the "Best Coast" by any means. I wrote my dissertation like a good little boy and graduated in May with yet another worthless degree. Around that same time, lovely girlfriend moved to Virginia Beach with me for the summer, one of my other BFFs also moved to the area, and life was everything but awful. I was removed from the petty drama that was inescapable in college for eleventy years, and I started taking vitamins. Life was pretty damn sweet.
January-May 2014 was a good time. You might even say it was a great time. But then June rolled around, and my life got flipped, turned upside down. So I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, to tell you how I became a worthless unemployed POS. June 2014-Present: The Unemployment Files coming soon...
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