Duke, Reporting For Duty, Sir!

Good morning and happy 2014 you racists. As I am casually going about my business this week I receive a couple of emails from a familiar place. I know what these emails are...I know where they're from...I know that I WANT them to be true, but a part of my refuses to get hopes up. It's just like an ex that you love that's broken up with you several times only to come running back. You want it to be true. You want this back in your life. You just don't want to give into these emotions immediately. But, just as you tell yourself "I'm not falling for it this time", you let her back in and I....well I clicked the link in this email. Just like that my emotional wall crumbles and anything left is just a facade. And just like that the Duke is back....right where he wants to be.

Things have changed since previous posts. I have relocated my place of residence by about 600 miles. I have a new job. Time has passed and my age increased by one number. I still, however, get random erections. Some things will never change.

I lay here in bed watching the college football season kickoff next to my girlfriend (yes, that's new too) and realize how absolutely oblivious she is to the fact that I run and write on a blog that a grand total of 7 people have read....most of which from some obscure country bordering Russia ending in "-stan". No idea of the filth that is written and the even filthier sentences that were typed and then deleted as even the Duke and Hansel have filters. The previous portion of this post was my way of saying "We're back"...the following portion is where I return to mid-season form.

Butt play doesn't get talked about enough. As an 18 year old using erections as a compass to the next hole, I would probably have said "dude, that's gay...keep everything out of there" or "people poop from there...shit's gross". And then you grow up and stop saying bigoted things to yourself. Vanilla sex becomes mundane and missionary sucks because now you're old and your hip does that cracky-poppy thingy on every thrust. So you flip her over, hop up to your knees and throw that hot dog down her hallway (more indicative of me, not her). As you grab hip for leverage and do your best to find the ever elusive g-spot you see it. There it is. Right in plain eyesight. The brown eye. And for the first time, you see it not as a no-no but as a new adventure...a challenge, if you will.

So you do it. You lick that thumb and you play with it. You've been pumped full of liquor so the gigantic step you just took seems routine. She might hate it. Think you're a pervert...gross. Might never want to do this ever again. But what you don't understand is vanilla sex is boring to her too. She's also pumped full of liquor. Instead of being grossed out, she embraces and eventually reciprocates. You love it...she loves it and it's fun again. It's in this moment you realize that this same old routine, boring and vanilla sex just became a little more chocolate and fun.

Is butt play gay? Who am I to judge, I'm not god (yet). So what say you blogland...has the Duke turned a questionable corner or has he found the final frontier? And on that note, I conclude this post. I've missed you all and am thrilled to be back. Be good and godspeed.

-DSA