So here we are...in blog land again. Population 4 and there are no gas stations. The weekend is concluding rapidly and we quickly find ourselves with a full to-do list, an empty wallet and some baby seed drying on the floor at our feet. For those of you that believe in a deity, this certainly is not honoring the Sabbath. But worry not gentleman, for I am here with some random thoughts specially tailored for you. First I shall grab a beer and then I will return to resume this post...
...ahhhhh, much better. Walking to the kitchen I caught a glimpse of some Jack Daniels on my bar and decided that if I truly want to kick this hangover, and I do, I had better come at it a little harder than beer; Jack and Coke was my choice. Come at me bro. It's funny that I live in the South but refuse to conform to the whole soda/pop norms down here. I still hang on to my roots and call it pop. Soda is too proper and fuck proper. What I find silly is people that brand all pop as "Coke". They are fewer and further between than the soda/poppers but they still exist. They're dumb and I have no respect for them. Yet every time I order some Jack or Captain Morgan, I always order it with Coke. I realize that it's a 50/50 shot that I'm drinking Pepsi but I still call it Coke. Scroll up to the top of this paragraph, I call it a Jack and Coke but it's really Jack and Harris Teeter Brand Cola. Does this mean that I have no respect for myself anymore? Possibly. But fuck, I like the mystique behind it when I order Jack and Coke and the person next to me doesn't know if I want some Cola or a goddamn 8-ball of that white girl. We all know I don't dabble in the booger sugar, but Johnny Stares-a-lot doesn't know that and maybe that mystique just might prevent him from getting the worst Charlie horse of his life. But I digress.
As I sip this I am reminded of the rough Friday night that I had. Please, allow me to tell. So as all of you bloggers may already know, I am 'dating' a Brazilian girl whom we will call Favela. I put the word dating in quotes because she isn't my girlfriend and will likely never be but we see each other more than just friends with benefits. If you're into to titles, we will classify as 'dating'. If you're not into titles, then this sentence is irrelephant. Anywho, the ladyfriend left town early Saturday morning so she wanted to spend some time with me and hop aboard The Duke one last time for 8 days. So we hung out Friday night. I got some beer and she got some whiskey. I ordered a pizza and we grabbed a few movies; a basic date night. Well we started playing cards, and I, of course, was losing terribly because I don't know how to play your dumb Brazilian games. This then led to wagering on the games. We began to trade shots of whiskey, chugs of beer and articles of clothing as each game passed. 3 triple shots and 4 beers later, The Duke enters invincible mode. She gets a call from a friend that's down the street and away we go. We go out, we drink, we dance and I bump into a friend of mine. I get all sorts of drunk excited from seeing him and forget to introduce her. She is drunk. She overreacts. The first fight is underway. Ding...ding...ding
Now let's take a step back for a second. Everyone knows that drunk fights are the worst. Emotions run high when they shouldn't, words are spoken that aren't meant and both parties lose. Well let's take that and pepper in the tiny fact that her first language is Portuguese and has only been speaking English for a little over a year. So just imagine a guy getting scolded outside of a bar by a girl that is weaving in and out of English and Portuguese. I don't even know what was said. I didn't win the fight. Favela- 1 The Duke- 0. Cliche about wars and battles here.
Saturday was filled with masturbation, drinking and a lack of regret for those two activities. Do any of you make yourself a drink before you settle into a jerk session? I don't do it all the time, in fact I rarely do it, but I think that's one of my favorite activities.
I didn't brush my teeth until 3pm today. I disappoint even me.
Welp The Duke will be signing off for the evening. I have a movie to watch. I just watched Silver Linings Playbook. I didn't much care for it but didn't hate it. Bradley Cooper wasn't even hot in it. Here is to hoping the next movie is better. 'Broken City' is the name of it, anyone see it? Good movie, good movie? It's a Redbox pick so sometimes you take what you can get. Alright fellas, see y'all tomorrow. -DSA
I have a belly button.
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