Welp, prepare yourself for a letdown here. It's not that we didn't have a great weekend, but nothing of epic proportions happened. Also, I'll be sure to never use epic again. It's epically(not a real word) overused. I had a terrific weekend with my brown bear, but everything that happened were just good jokes, the kinds of things that don't translate well to story telling over a blog. As you can imagine, the drinking started immediately and was consistent through my final drink at about midnight last night. I feel delightful today and really want to be at work. I would highlight the weekends events but it would eventually turn into a jerkfest of inside jokes that you don't want to hear.
I threw up Saturday night....so there's that. Neither of us brought anyone home nor did we so much as get a number. Well I got a number Saturday, but it was from someone that I had previously met. Plus she is about 6'2 and weighs a metric ton. Aka the kind of girl that I would love to bang just to prove a point to all of you males that not only do I have no standards but I have no self respect or dignity either. Is this what rock bottom feels like or do I still have some falling to do? Also, am I supposed to pick myself up out of this black hole or do one of you trick me into and intervention and self-esteem rehab? How does this recovery process work? I need details before I commit to this.
On the bright side of things, I found out that the girl that I almost dated earlier in the year is in love with me months later. I had a feeling but hearing her admit it was the kind of karmic justice that keeps The Duke tickin'. Yea, maybe you shouldn't have left me for no reason to get back with that walking erection you call your boyfriend. It's kinda embarrassing for him that you're texting me these things while sitting in between the two of us. It's also embarrassing for you when you go thru my phone and see texts about me banging my Brazilian beauty and you get angry at me. As my boy Adam from Workaholics says "Mmmmmm jealousy does not look good on you.". It's embarrassing for me that this sort of stuff gets me off. In any event, I'm ending this mindless post with the quote of the weekend from Charlie "time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana". Godspeed bitches. -DSA
I'd like to skip everything and go straight to the quote, because that is pure gold. Good work Charlie Pius. And Duke, fall trip to Hansel is perfectly timed for an intervention. I work in mysterious ways.
ReplyDelete