Confession

Though this probably won't be as lyrically exquisite as Usher's Confessions (Part I or II), I'm just as in need to get it off my chest. So, as I've stated in previous posts, I'm sort of in the process of moving. My belongings are between my "old" apartment and my "new" house and it's gotten hard to keep track of what is where. I pretty much have the bare essentials left at the apartment, but I've still been spending most of my time there since the house will not be furnished until this weekend. Moreover, cable and internet is not set up to this point, and I'll be damned if I'm going to live like a fucking caveman for a week. I digress. My confession is that I have been living very much like a homeless person in recent days, minus the fact that I still shower and dress like a productive member of society. Admittedly, however, I haven't been to the grocery store in Godknowshowlong, so I've been scraping by in the food department strictly because I don't want to have to buy groceries and then move them to my new house. That just seems stupid. Even more stupid than eating a bag of popcorn for lunch. Finally, and perhaps most strangely, is that I left my hair gel/product/stuffthatmakesitlookgood at the house over the weekend, and since then I've been using cocoa butter as hair gel. I thought I remembered someone saying that you could use lotion as hair product, and it was going to be either that, toothpaste, or something from the kitchen, so it seemed like my only (best) option. This been more or less fine so far, despite the fact that it doesn't quite hold these golden locks in place as well as I would like. However, I realize now that I smell like a walking masturbation station. Thankfully nobody has called me out on it so far, but I'm just waiting for the moment when someone asks me if I just got done j'ing the bird because I smell like "alone time." I'll keep you updated on this, because it's bound to happen. So, if you happen to be going about your business within the next few days and smell the sweet aroma of buttsack and cocoa butter, just smile to yourself and know that it's just your gold ole pal Hansel.